I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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