i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My feet surprised me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
