Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
