my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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