It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
