i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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