He asked to "fluff my boner.."
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
