just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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