My first STD was from a foam party
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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