decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
