Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
