Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We had to coat check the pizza.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woke up backwards on a recliner
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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