That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i love accidental penises.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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