I'm really into asian looking animals
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
