I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
