you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
