The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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