Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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