Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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