Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
