my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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