Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
