All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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