I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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