this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
