Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
