we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
