Don't you send me to vm
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
