I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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