She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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