Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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