when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need water and some morals
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
