you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
