Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
