Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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