I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
