This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
