Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
