I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
do herpes really smell.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
