Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
