Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
