walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
