I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
