I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
