After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
