No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
