I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You ruined the universe
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
