Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
