just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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