Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
