Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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