I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
